


The Secret Rulebook

by GriffinCastle



Category: Call of Duty (Video Games)
Genre: M/M, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 21:21:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28998936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GriffinCastle/pseuds/GriffinCastle
Summary: "I hate myself."The words were, tragically, familiar. Too familiar for Dempsey to create any significant reaction. Still, hearing Richtofen speak such a phrase so effortlessly hurt all the same.
Relationships: "Tank" Dempsey/Edward Richtofen
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	The Secret Rulebook

"I hate myself."

The words were, tragically, familiar. Too familiar for Dempsey to create any significant reaction. Still, hearing Richtofen speak such a phrase so effortlessly hurt all the same.

"I hate that I'm hated," the doctor went on, staring at the ceiling. 

Dempsey passed his fingers through his lover's hair, "...it's impossible to be liked by everyone,"

He rolled his eyes, "I _know_... I just hate knowing that— like there are those who are glad I'm alive— there are also individuals that would be happier without me around," he said matter-of-factly, "especially when I haven't done anything but be myself."

"..."

"I hate that. I try to make people happy. I try to give them my best. But there's always someone who is angered by that. That someone just wants to see me fail."

"...Are you talking about Nikolai?"

"Among others, yes."

" _Takeo_ likes you."

Edward only scoffed.

"Well. Nikolai has his own thing going on, you know that."

Richtofen turned away, "and I _hate_ that I'm always the one that must _understand others._ No one ever tries to understand _me_ _."_

Dempsey frowned. This despondency was loneliness, he knew. Richtofen had to put on a face of security, of calm, of authority. He was not allowed to be anything else— but, only because no one ever asked. If no one asked, vulnerability would only give another excuse to be despised. Or mocked. Or worse, ignored.

But hey, as long as he maintained the approval of those that liked him, who cared about whatever terrible thoughts that festered?

Living was painful that way. 

"I want to be alone," Edward suddenly stood from the bed, "you didn't do anything wrong, I just. I can't think right now. I may say something I don't mean."

The marine didn't protest, and simply reached for the other's fingertips, "I'll be waiting for you."

Richtofen relished in the gentle touch before slipping away.

He knew what he wanted to say:

He had _no one_.

_No one_ cared what he had to say, of what he felt. 

But that wasn't true, he had Dempsey.

Some obscure rule merely convinced him that his lover didn't count at the moment.


End file.
